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How to Succeed as a Documentary Filmmaker 1

A film course in 5-6 easy steps

1. FIND THE TOPIC Either in a very, very private or a very, very dangerous place
2. FILM THE TOPIC Either very, very handheld or very, very still
3. EDIT THE FILMING OF THE TOPIC Either very, very fast paced or very, very slow
4A. DO A VOICE-OVER Either yourself in English with bad/exotic accent or by famous actor with bad/exotic accent
and/or
4B. PUT ON MUSIC Either by a virtually unknown but hip musician-friend of yours or by some classical composer dude.
The fifth step runs along the other four and is so obvious I can hardly make myself write it down:
5. TALK TO/LAUGH AT JOKES BY/COMPLIMENT CHILDREN OF/DRINK OR DO DRUGS WITH/KISS ASS OF/GO TO BED WITH etc.: COMMISSIONING EDITORS/TV EXECUTIVES/FILM FESTIVAL DIRECTORS/JURY MEMBERS/FINANCING FORUM ARRANGERS/INFLUENTIAL DIRECTORS/BLOG WRITERS etc.
And oh; I almost forgot:
6. MAKE IT A CROSS/TRANS/MULTI MEDIA PROJECT FOR NO APPARENT REASON

PS. I must here correct myself: Even though point 5 talks about it, recent event h…